It is an unhealthy norm in most Asia society. I notice that, this not only happen to me, but in most family, kids and house chores are merely the responsible of wife/ the mother.
As a working wife without kid for the first 1-2 years of marriage, my husband never cook, never clean the house, never wash dishes, never cook and not even touch the broom's stick. Not only that, managing grocery was also my responsible. My husband would only mentioned 'we seem running out of shower gel' etc. We both were working adults and the wife will normally share the financial burden as well as takes charge of all the house chores.
Pregnancy had become a lonely journey for me. I went check up alone, pay the fees alone, faced all kind of challenges during my pregnancy alone. Good thing that my husband still went to prepare the baby stuff with me. It was his first time to get to know the doctor during our last visit, right before the due date of delivery.
My husband was not around to receive my baby when Noah was born. The only person to waited outside the OT, who was there to receive the new born child was my mum. My husband was having lunch outside with his parents that time.
After delivery, I took charge of all the kid's matters. I learnt to bath the baby, feed the baby, change the baby etc while my husband would just mentioned 'oh I am tired' or 'I am not confident to handle that' and walked off. I was once very regret to deliver my boy. I had post-natal depression and I did not receive any care nor concern. My husband showed his frustration to deal with my emotion meltdown.
I am so sorry that I am not able to help myself or convince myself that dear husband had his own dilemma.
The baby gave me strength to move on. It took me years to get out of depression but then my son was diagnosed with autism. I am still the first person who detected the symptoms, then to arrange therapy, to adapt the skill that help Noah and etc.
I am cold to my husband and yes, I do hate him lots of time. I could see effort made from my husband to rectify the situation, only for now. But I was left alone when I needed you the most. When I was in deep trouble, you choose to run away, leaving me alone to face things myself. I knew you too had stress to deal with it but sorry, I simple can't convince myself to pay sympathy on you.
So dear Husband, please don't ask me why I am so cold to you. I am taking the burden that you choose to avoid. I am managing work and family and you don't have to.
1. You don't know what I have been through, taking care of a new born with no one help.
2. Got up middle of the night feeding the baby, when you choose to sleep or made complain that you'd been waken up. I was too have to report to work but you never shared my burden of midnight feeding.
3. You will never know how helpless to bring a baby for regular check up alone.
4. You will never know when I and baby were both at sick for clinic, and you were instead 100km away from home.
5. you never offer help to wash baby clothes, wash the feeding bottle, bath the baby, help to cuddle the baby etc
6. You never offer help for house chores and grocery
7. You didn't even know the brand of our kid formula and the diaper size
8. You never bother on my emotion melt down due to depression, instead you referred me as being unreasonable
9. you didn't bother I had no food during festive celebration at your hometown, where I was busy took care of baby and you were busy chatting and eating with your family. Nor any of you or your family bother. I starved for the whole day as no one offered help to cuddle my baby and make room for me to eat
10. You never struggle waking up 5am morning, cleaned the house before baby awake, then sent the baby to nanny (20km), then rushed to work (12km) and back to nanny to pick up baby (12km) then back home (20km) every weekday.
11. You never know that I skipped my dinner, had shower with door open, folding clothes with music rhymes on TV and baby beside me.
Then you hire a domestic helper, move in a new place with my mother staying beside us, to having both the domestic help and my mother to help up on our family. But you are not involved to share any burden
1. Our son is on autism and we can't leave the son with the helper alone. We rely on my mum to take care not only the house, but the kid and the helper for us. You pay for helper salary but not her food and utilities and I am paying for that.
2. you never encounter the situation, my mum makes complain about us, who engage her too much, and tell this all to all her friends and relatives. You never understand the stress an sadness that I am seen as a lousy daughter.
3. I need to dedicate time and effort to take care of my mother, and you are not involved.
4. I have to reserve leave for my mother to unwind herself, take leave to make room for my mother to have her activities where you never bother to take leave for it.
5. I am responsible to arrange for searching the resources for therapy of our autistic son, to search for school to enroll him and face rejections. I am the one to make sure and help our Noah to adapt to school and therapy session. You only come into picture occasionally when everything is settled, and You only standing aside to observe.
6. I am responsible on arranging and looking alternative approaches to help Noah. I am experiencing trail and error
7. I am responsible for my mum and our kid well-being. Whenever either both of them at sick, I am taking leave to take care of them.
8.When I am sick, I take care of myself
9. You don't know how Noah everyday life. You don't know his schedule on when he eats, what he eats, when is his nap time but I am responsible for that.
10. I am responsible in helping him achieve his milestone everyday, to practice what he learn from school and therapy session.
11. I am responsible to determine the desire milestone for Noah, I am the one who teach him how to use a straw and discover method to teach him jump
12. I am responsible to read him bedtime story. I am responsible to play with Noah, unlike you who only bother to give him phone, on TV and give him snacks while you are with him.
13. I have to face stress form your family, most of them are very good observer on Noah milestone. I have been thrown in with lots of questions on what I have been done to Noah, why is he like this etc. I have to deal with the stress as your family think that it seems is my responsibility on Noah progress and the father is exempted from that.
14. I am too have to take care of my job. I scarify my career path to make room for family. I received higher education achievement than you, my dear husband.
15. I have no saving! My pay is not high but I spent all for Noah & our family.
16. I need to take care of myself too.
17. You think about getting new property, buying luxury car when you have spare money. You never think of paying for me or standby for Noah case
18. You are telling me you can't afford a shadow teacher but you paid for a luxury car months ago.
19. Dear husband, I PAY MYSELF!!!!!!!!!
and you can make huge difference if you offer some help.
As a working wife without kid for the first 1-2 years of marriage, my husband never cook, never clean the house, never wash dishes, never cook and not even touch the broom's stick. Not only that, managing grocery was also my responsible. My husband would only mentioned 'we seem running out of shower gel' etc. We both were working adults and the wife will normally share the financial burden as well as takes charge of all the house chores.
Pregnancy had become a lonely journey for me. I went check up alone, pay the fees alone, faced all kind of challenges during my pregnancy alone. Good thing that my husband still went to prepare the baby stuff with me. It was his first time to get to know the doctor during our last visit, right before the due date of delivery.
My husband was not around to receive my baby when Noah was born. The only person to waited outside the OT, who was there to receive the new born child was my mum. My husband was having lunch outside with his parents that time.
After delivery, I took charge of all the kid's matters. I learnt to bath the baby, feed the baby, change the baby etc while my husband would just mentioned 'oh I am tired' or 'I am not confident to handle that' and walked off. I was once very regret to deliver my boy. I had post-natal depression and I did not receive any care nor concern. My husband showed his frustration to deal with my emotion meltdown.
I am so sorry that I am not able to help myself or convince myself that dear husband had his own dilemma.
The baby gave me strength to move on. It took me years to get out of depression but then my son was diagnosed with autism. I am still the first person who detected the symptoms, then to arrange therapy, to adapt the skill that help Noah and etc.
I am cold to my husband and yes, I do hate him lots of time. I could see effort made from my husband to rectify the situation, only for now. But I was left alone when I needed you the most. When I was in deep trouble, you choose to run away, leaving me alone to face things myself. I knew you too had stress to deal with it but sorry, I simple can't convince myself to pay sympathy on you.
So dear Husband, please don't ask me why I am so cold to you. I am taking the burden that you choose to avoid. I am managing work and family and you don't have to.
1. You don't know what I have been through, taking care of a new born with no one help.
2. Got up middle of the night feeding the baby, when you choose to sleep or made complain that you'd been waken up. I was too have to report to work but you never shared my burden of midnight feeding.
3. You will never know how helpless to bring a baby for regular check up alone.
4. You will never know when I and baby were both at sick for clinic, and you were instead 100km away from home.
5. you never offer help to wash baby clothes, wash the feeding bottle, bath the baby, help to cuddle the baby etc
6. You never offer help for house chores and grocery
7. You didn't even know the brand of our kid formula and the diaper size
8. You never bother on my emotion melt down due to depression, instead you referred me as being unreasonable
9. you didn't bother I had no food during festive celebration at your hometown, where I was busy took care of baby and you were busy chatting and eating with your family. Nor any of you or your family bother. I starved for the whole day as no one offered help to cuddle my baby and make room for me to eat
10. You never struggle waking up 5am morning, cleaned the house before baby awake, then sent the baby to nanny (20km), then rushed to work (12km) and back to nanny to pick up baby (12km) then back home (20km) every weekday.
11. You never know that I skipped my dinner, had shower with door open, folding clothes with music rhymes on TV and baby beside me.
Then you hire a domestic helper, move in a new place with my mother staying beside us, to having both the domestic help and my mother to help up on our family. But you are not involved to share any burden
1. Our son is on autism and we can't leave the son with the helper alone. We rely on my mum to take care not only the house, but the kid and the helper for us. You pay for helper salary but not her food and utilities and I am paying for that.
2. you never encounter the situation, my mum makes complain about us, who engage her too much, and tell this all to all her friends and relatives. You never understand the stress an sadness that I am seen as a lousy daughter.
3. I need to dedicate time and effort to take care of my mother, and you are not involved.
4. I have to reserve leave for my mother to unwind herself, take leave to make room for my mother to have her activities where you never bother to take leave for it.
5. I am responsible to arrange for searching the resources for therapy of our autistic son, to search for school to enroll him and face rejections. I am the one to make sure and help our Noah to adapt to school and therapy session. You only come into picture occasionally when everything is settled, and You only standing aside to observe.
6. I am responsible on arranging and looking alternative approaches to help Noah. I am experiencing trail and error
7. I am responsible for my mum and our kid well-being. Whenever either both of them at sick, I am taking leave to take care of them.
8.When I am sick, I take care of myself
9. You don't know how Noah everyday life. You don't know his schedule on when he eats, what he eats, when is his nap time but I am responsible for that.
10. I am responsible in helping him achieve his milestone everyday, to practice what he learn from school and therapy session.
11. I am responsible to determine the desire milestone for Noah, I am the one who teach him how to use a straw and discover method to teach him jump
12. I am responsible to read him bedtime story. I am responsible to play with Noah, unlike you who only bother to give him phone, on TV and give him snacks while you are with him.
13. I have to face stress form your family, most of them are very good observer on Noah milestone. I have been thrown in with lots of questions on what I have been done to Noah, why is he like this etc. I have to deal with the stress as your family think that it seems is my responsibility on Noah progress and the father is exempted from that.
14. I am too have to take care of my job. I scarify my career path to make room for family. I received higher education achievement than you, my dear husband.
15. I have no saving! My pay is not high but I spent all for Noah & our family.
16. I need to take care of myself too.
17. You think about getting new property, buying luxury car when you have spare money. You never think of paying for me or standby for Noah case
18. You are telling me you can't afford a shadow teacher but you paid for a luxury car months ago.
19. Dear husband, I PAY MYSELF!!!!!!!!!
and you can make huge difference if you offer some help.
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